Confronting Difficult Situations: 2 Samuel 13:23-39

You're listening to the Bible Guys, a podcast where a couple of friends talk about the Bible in fun in practical ways. Hey, everybody, welcome to Monday Morning. Man, it's gonna be a good Monday. Monday, Monday, Monday, Such a good morning. Yes, who loves Mondays? By the way, you know Garfield remember that comic. Strip Hate Monday. That's what he used to say. He used to hate Mondays. I wonder if there's anybody out there that hates Mondays. And if you're listening, you know, day to day, then today would be Monday. I would just say, Monday gets a bad rap. It's just as good as any other day, is it. Well, you know, yes, okay, I feel bad for Mondays. Mondays. You know that I told my son Mondays. When my son started driving. This is honest, go and it's truth. I told him. I said, I feel bad for the center lane. I said, you know there's three lanes going down mound. I said, the center lane. People don't choose the center lane. They choose usually the outside lanes. I said, I feel bad for the center lane. And you know, years later my son brought it up and said, you know, I drive in the center lane because I feel bad for it. Okay, well you have such a compassionate family, yes, yes, sweetly attend. Appreciate yeah, yeah, appreciate your concern for them. That's funny. This center late has feelings speaking of absolutely nothing that we've talked about. This segment is. What a seguey pros. I bet our listeners can tell. We we're bumping up on seven hundred episodes now, so five hundred episodes of the Bible. Guys, something. This is confession time. This is, by the way, something I don't think we've ever done. Desiree came up with a new segment and she said, it's confession time. Each of you will share a funny, lighthearted confession. When you have both shared, you get to rate each other's confessional scare from one to ten based on its hilarity or absurdity. Oh my goodness, that were you prepared for that? Because I have I have a. You have on you do yours first. Okay, So I'll try to make this very fast. But we both went to a Baba college that had sometimes ridiculous rules, right, yes, very strict, and so I call those Pharisee mentalities. So they say, hey, because some movies are bad and some movies are really good, we'll just eliminate all movies. Right. That's the sort of the pharisee mentality. Right, So anyway, what they would say is believe it or not is they would say, because some people wear really good facial hair and some people have untrimmed facial hair, we just have a rule no facial hair because we want to control how the image is for college students, right, for Bible college students, which is ridiculous. Well, I realized as a freshman, I signed that book. So I was like, well, I signed up for it, right, So my freshman year I was really good about obeying every rule, and then my sophomore year comes, then my junior year comes. At the end of my junior year, I'm just so tired, right, just tired of these crazy rules. So I went to my dean of men and know the dean of men who is there, And I had probably three maybe maybe two months left of college, and I said, hey, I need to I need to grow a beard because and he says, when nobody grows a beard, there's a one guy on campus. He has a medical excuse. And I says, well, I need to grow a beard. It's essential. I have to grow a beard, and you have to give me permission. And he said why, and I said, because I have a job that pays so well in the summer that I have to have a beard for and it pays for all my college. And he goes, really, what job is that? And I said modeling and he said and he goes and he looked at me and he goes, come on, And I said, I said, what are you going to deny me my money to pay for school? And I just went with it, and he was trying to bluff me, and he goes, come on, Chris. He looked at me, He's like, come on, come on. And I was like, I am serious. And of course that's my confession. My confession is kids don't do this. That was not shouldn't lie in Bible college, that's right, it was not true. Should not lie in order to be able to get the degree that sets you up to be a passage. Which, by the way, I just want to do it for fun. I want to do it to ruffle everybody's feathers. Right, So he ended up giving me permission. And back then they would they would give you a demerit, and they'd want money. They'd say, oh, you did something wrong, you didn't wear a tidy class. Here's a demerit. Pay five dollars and they would make you know what seemed like millions at the time, right, And that's what they did. They get They just took money from you every time you book a rule. And so anyway, every day when I had a beard, nobody really knew until I let them know. And I bet you I had, without exaggeration, twenty demerits every single day in my mailbox because people would see me with the beard and they'd like beard. Anyway, it was really fun for me. Wow, but that's my confession. That's your confession. Yep. Well that's a shock, so your thought about it. But is it a shock though. They're reasoning shocking? Let me say that their reasoning, you feel like they're reasoning for banning beards to some people were good at maintaining their beers and other people were bad at maintaining. No, they told me that. They said, they said, like, some beards are scraggly, and we want a certain image for Baptist Bible college students. So I said, the name of the college. Yeah, yeah, so sorry, don't mean that. Don't mean it. By the way, I don't think that. I don't think that Baptist Broble College, by the. Way, stayed the second time. I don't think that. I don't think that those rules still exist today. Yeah, yeah, okay. So to be fair, okay, So all. Those schools, you understand, back in the day, beards were acceptable in seminaries and stuff like that. You go back and look at Spurgeon and all those guys, they were right, and most Jesus mostly yeah, most of the schools that in general, most of the schools that outlawed beards back in the eighties were the beards were already outlawed in the sixties and seventies. Beat Nicks and hippie It was all about the it was all about stepping away from the culture, the beat Nicks and hippies. That's exactly twenty years later. Guess what, guys, there's no more beatings exactly. Well, hey, I'm not saying that the movement we came that we came up in was up to date. By the way. By the way, it was nineties. I went to school in eighty nine and I was only three months in the eighties, so we're talking most of my school was in the nineties. Yeah, so we're talking like we're talking twenty years removed from beat Nicks and hippies. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I'm not arguing with you. I'm just saying, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, that's my absurd and hilarious wow wow. So my well, I'll give a college one too. And I don't know. Have I told about the getting kicked out of Bible College. I don't think so. So I got expelled from Bible College and I won't say the name, but I was leaving early, and that's a whole other story. And on the way out, one of my friends went, hey, you know what my dad did? And I thought it was a good idea, and so I put four gallons of liquid laundry detergent a four hundred gallon fountain out in front of the girl's dorm and it was amazing. It looked great. It's like eleven o'clock at night and big giant bubbles, you know, big foam, and then these big bubbles floating up in the spotlights, hysterically funny. I loved every bit of it. When I left in the morning. The next morning, there was you know, probably three feet above foam on top, and then the fount was just going oh yeah, yeah. Well then they later on they figured out who did it, and they expelled me for it. So I got kicked out, but I was already going to another school, so it didn't matter. But yeah, that was my my way out there. You go, Well, yours is way tamer than mine. Yeah, it was just Frank, and Frank's got me in a lot of trouble. I thought was funny that the administration didn't think was funny, right, which still is a problem. Which whist of the things I think are funny. Now that I say it was it was tame. It wasn't tame for the maintenance staff. Yeah, No, I did thousands of dollars worth of damage. Yeah, that's why they expelled me. They expelled me. Mine didn't hurt anybody, just my own right, my own reputation and uh and my and and put on public display my disdain. Yeah. But I'm I'm quite shocked at your story. So I'm going to give you an eight out of a ten. Okay, And I'm going to give you an eight point one out of time. Winter. Yes, just hold it up. I squeaked out of victory because because in my story and my story, I got out of money. In your story, you got school money on the way, so you yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. Although I lost a full ride scholarship in that moment too, so that was it cost me a lot. Oh wow, yeah, I was there in a full full music scholarship. I have now upgraded you to eight point two eight point. Two okay, good, a little bit of winning margin there. There you go. Wow, Well that was fun. That was an interesting one. We have done that before confession time? Yes, all right, I think that's all I have to confess. The rest of my life has been nearly perfect. So if we do this segment again, I'll just have to sit in silence. The forest gup, says, and that's all I have to say about. About that, all right, Okay, Well, hey, welcome. We are glad that you're with us. If this is your first time. We kind of are running in a series in the Highlights of the Old Testament, and we ended up last week on Friday with a terrible story. King David had made a massive, sinful mistake with Bathsheba and the prophet Nathan had said, hey, listen, this is going to be something that's going to kind of haunt you. Right, You're going to struggle in your family for a long time. And sure enough, as his children become adults, it just gets a little crazier, a little crazy, a little crazy. Well, he said, they said, your family's going to live by the sword. Yeah, and it's going to be tension and in bad blood. It's correct. So Absalom is David's oldest son, and he has a sister named Tamar. One of his other sons from a different wife living in a different household, lusted after Tamar and attacked her, molested her, raped her, and is a horrible, horrible story. We kind of we kind of talked about that. It hinged on a statement in the Bible. Amnon had a friend, right, his friend convinced him to do this horrible thing, and he did it. It was terrible. Well, Absalom is furious when he finds out, but David kind of stops the family feud for a little while. Well, then here's what it says in Second Samuel, chapter thirteen, verse twenty three. Two years later, when Absalom's sheep were being sheared, at bel Hazor, near Ephraim, Absolom invited all the king's sons to come to a feast. He went to the king and said, my sheep shearers are now at work. Would the king and his servants please come to celebrate the occasion with me? And the king replied, no, my son, if we all came, we would be too much of a burden on you. Absalom pressed him, but the king would not come, no, absolutely, though he gave Absalom his blessing. Well, then Absalom said, if you can't come, how about sending my brother Amnon with us. Why Amnon the king asked, but Absalom kept on pressing the king until he finally agreed to let all his sons attend, including Amnon. So Absalom prepared a feast fit for a king. Absolom told his men, wait until Amnon gets drunk, and then, at my signal, kill him. Don't be afraid, I'm the one who's given the command. Take courage and do it. So at Absalom's signal, they murdered Amnon. Then the other sons of the king jumped on their mules and fled. As they were on the way back to Jerusalem. This report reached David, Absalom has killed all the king's sons. No one is left alive. The king got up, tore his robe, threw himself on the ground. His advisers also tore their clothes in horror and sorrow. But just then Jonadab, the son of David's brother Shimia, arrived and said, no, don't believe that all the king's sons have been killed. It was only Amnon. Absolom has been plotting this ever since Amnon raped his sister Tamar. No, my lord, the King, your sons aren't all dead. It was only Amnon. Meanwhile, Absolom escaped Where am I reading to thirty nine yep. Then the watchman at the on the wall at Jerusalem saw a great crowd coming down the hill on the road from the west, and he ran to tell the king, I see a crowd of people coming from the Hornam road along the side of the hill. Look. Jonadab told the king they were there. They are now the son King's sons are coming just as I said. They soon arrived, weeping and sobbing, and the king and all his servants wept bitterly with them, and David mourned many days for his son Amnon. Absolom fled to his grandfather, tell my son of Ammahood, the king of Geesher. He stayed there in Geisher for three years, and King David now reconcile to Amnon's death, long to be reunited with his son Absolom. Okay, well there you go. Hey, there's there's a part of me. I mean, obviously getting revenge and killing you know, not a good thing. But there's a part of me that has to give Absolom just a little bit of props as a warrior for being that patient to put into place this this revenge plot. So immediately he's thinking, Okay, things are heated. I want to get revenge on Amnin. But I'm going to put this plot into place for two years until finally, when everybody's guard is let down and everythink's all bygones, are bygones, then here comes the revenge. So I don't know why I said that out loud. I guess just the just the patience of Absolom's n Yeah, I love waiting, right, I mean, that's it's a terrible thing. It is, it's a horrible thing. I misspoke at the beginning setting this up am Noon. He's got a lot of sons that start with A. Amnon was David's oldest son, not Absolom, and it was important to state that because it's interesting. Absolom is filled with hatred and anger. He went to his dad right after Amnon took advantage of of Tamar. Absolom ghost his dad and says, what you know this, this isn't okay. And when King David heard about it, he was really angry, but he didn't do anything right. And then didn't am on Flea for a couple of years too. So well it was two years later is when he finally kills him. But Absolom had every right to expect justice for his sister, right anytime something like that happens, and we're not supposed to be above justice, right. Justice should be equally applied to everybody, And this was Absolom's feeling about this was my dad. He's the king and he's letting Amnon get away with this. Well, I think a lot about it. And while the Bible doesn't say this, Amnon being the first son of David, he's the heir, he will be king someday. He's also the oldest one, which means he's the one most aware of his dad's behaviors. And he'd already seen his dad take what he wanted to take a woman he wanted, and essentially when he took bathsheb but he didn't have right. How can how can just a woman in town consent to king? She wasn't coming to him. He went and just took her, right, right, right, And so here's no consent. He just takes this woman. And now Amnon does the same thing. It just happens to be his half sister, right right, But back then it wasn't illegal to marry a half sister, and so oh, well, you know he shouldn't have done it. But and Absolom's looking at my dad refuses justice, I'm gonna have to take it into my own hands. If David had stepped up and done the right thing at the at first, Absolum would have done this. And then there's this whole cascading. All these stories in the next couple of days are all because David abdicated his responsibility in that moment. It's so weird though, because he's such a great king. Yes, he's so committed the justice, but in this situation. He became passive, and perhaps it was because he saw the exact same thing in his son's life that was already established in his life. Think about this too. Amnon only knew the the disgrace David, right, so like, uh, I don't mean by disgrace. Amnon was born when they were running from Saul. So oh no, so he was young, yes, so he was a boy actually that Yeah, he saw his dad at his greatest, but he saw his dad once he became a powerful king and then just take what he wants. To, yeah, and then and then live we don't know how long, but live to where. I mean it was long enough to wear but Sheba became queen right like his wife. So I mean, we don't know how much time transpired there, but that whole ordeal, well, I guess it would have been during the pregnancy because because the sun died, right, so it would have been months. Yeah. So uh so all of that happened within within the pregnancy timeframe. So because remember because Nathan confronted and said the child will die. Yeah, but what we don't know is how long after that that Amnon decided to attack his stepsister right right. For sure, because we don't know how old they were, right, But but either way though, yeah, that's worse. I was I was thinking it was. But yeah, you're right. Amnon was older, which means he have witnessed his dad acting that way. Yeah, he would have witnessed his dad being a great leader and a godly man. And then he saw his dad when they didn't go out to war, and when they went out to war and he stayed home, and then he just took Bathsheba. He saw all the judgment of that, the shame of that. But then he did the same thing as dad did, only worse. And you know that's what happens those that are in leadership. What we do in moderation, our followers will do to access well. The same thing with parents and children. What we did in moderation, our children often wind up doing in excess right. And so I'm not saying that David's choice to steal Bathsheba was in moderation, But it's different than Amnon attacking his sister, right, and it just gets worse and worse. Sin just kind of cascades down, It gets worse and worse. What we do, others will do worse and blame and justify it because they saw us do a thing similar, right, That's what I'm trying to say. You know, I don't think I've ever had this thought until now, but I wonder one of the reasons why David didn't, you know, demand justice for Amnon, you know, m Non's offense. I wonder if it's because David really truly did have such a sense of God being in control. Because we know that, right, Like, David completely believes that God is in control, and that was demonstrated during the time when the baby was sick. You know, remember, everybody else was confused as to why he was fasting and why he didn't eat, and then he got up and ate, and everybody else was like, wait a minute, you didn't eat while he was still alive, and now you're eating when the child is gone. But it wasn't about the child living or you know, being president in this world. It was all about whether God was going to you know, change what God wanted to do, right, So he had a very strong sense of God being in control. Listen, hey, I know down here it seems like these things are happening. The baby's sick, the baby's now gone, But no, you don't understand God's in control of all of this. David knew that. I almost wonder if the reason why he didn't demand justice on Aminin is because he realizes this is. My fault, like like that that's yeah, you know what I mean, very likely. Like like in other words, he's thinking himself, like, hey, I know this is the curse coming back on me. This is exactly what Nathan said was going to happen, And so I can't necessarily even blame Amnon as much as I could blame myself, right, And I almost wonder if that's the reason why he didn't decide to, you know, come down with a strong hammer on amin because he realized I did this. I also think that it sometimes it's easier to bring justice on things outside of our household, and sometimes we want to coddle our children and make excuses for our children's bad behavior rather than than than have consequences for them. Right, So David, David literally executed people who brought him bad news, but his son rapes his step stepsister, who, by the way, his son is going to be the is the heir apparent. So here's little Prince Funtleroy, who can do no wrong. And his father decides, Hey, I'm not going to do anything either, and he just kind of he was a great military leader and like a really bad dad and husband. He has this massive flaw in this area where he just doesn't expect his sons to do the right thing and he doesn't bring any judgment on them. And so because of that, when you don't do the right thing, and we've talked about this with leaders, young leaders who have staff below them on our team, when you don't confront somebody who's misbehaving on a team because you're afraid that that person might get mad, just understand that decision negatively affects everybody else on the team that has to work with the person that you're protecting. Right, so you go, oh, man, if I confront that person, I lose that person. But if you don't fix their behavior, you might lose everybody else. And that's what happened here. Is sometimes the most caring thing you can do for the group is to confront the one. And he didn't. He didn't confront the one. Uh, for whatever reason, whatever his motivation is. Bible doesn't say, but we supposed a few things. But what we do see is the result of his lack of confrontation is Absolum says, fine, if dad won't do it, I'm gonna do it. And from that point on, when his heart turned against his dad, this just falls apart from here on out with with him in Absolom right, his dad in Absolom's So not only did he wind up having a son rape a daughter, not only did he have a son kill another son. It's just going to get worse from here. It's crazy, all because David would not confront an issue when it was uh, you know, when it was manageable. And here it is years later, and David is still reminded that you're free to make your own choices. You're just not free to choose your con Yeah. Yeah, a wise man once said, once. Said yeah, and uh and uh if you if you do. Say so yourself, Yeah, even if I do say some way. So, but you know that that's really it, isn't it. So we still see the consequence of David's bad choices coming back to haunt him. And that's really you know, prevalent in our lives as well, isn't it. So we are still free to make our own choices. But you know, I like for instance, I still remember laying and I'm not doubting my mom. I'm not doubting my dad. Listen, they got divorced. It was messy back in nineteen eighty one. I'm not blaming them for this or that, but I'm just saying, like I remember back then, instead of going to marriage counseling, and by the way, I've talked to them decades later about this, instead of going to marriage counseling, instead of trying to do this or that, or get involved in church or press into it or you know, make it work, they just decided, well, that's it, We're done. And honestly, that's set forth a ripple effect that has been generationally. It's just a parent I don't know how else to say it without talking specifics. It's just that had consequences. You know, forty five years later, I can still see the consequences of that. Sometimes the easiest thing in the moment you look at it and go, that's going to be really hard. I'm gonna but we're gonna do the hard thing. But as you look back on it, the easiest thing in this situation, choosing not to confront Amnon winds up causing so many more horrific things. Yes, right, it's almost it's almost it almost never does the easy thing produce the best results, almost never in life. And so in this situation, that's what David did, is he chose the easy thing. And there's this cascade of just collapsing issues within the family that nearly wipe out the whole family. Costs David so much. So, if you have a thing that needs to be addressed, no matter how painful that thing is to address it, if you don't address it, there's a very good chances things are going to get worse and worse and worse and worse and worse. Yeah. So there's a there's a famous scene by Michael Cain, one of the greatest actors ever, and Michael Caine is looking directly into the camera on this one and he's having a one on one conversation with somebody and he says, sometimes the hardest thing to do and the right thing to do most of the time. He said, those are the same thing. And he said, because he said anything, what do he say? He said, everything in life that has meaning requires sacrifice. Oh, that's great, and it's true. And he said, and he goes and he goes it's hard, and I thought to myself, good and its gracious. That is something that we can all learn, isn't it so well? That is that is about our time. That's a that's a great chapter. So we will pick up on this story with David's sons next time, and hopefully we'll see there on the Bible guys. Mhm h